Negative messages "train" us to behave the way we do.

I am coming down with a cold so I did not sleep well last night. But this sleeplessness helped me to realize something very profound...and a little gross.

I have been told by therapists, friends, family, and numerous self-help books that all I need to do is stop thinking the negative thoughts about myself and my body and replace those thoughts with positive ones. Sounds really simple, but only to someone who has not had negative messages pounded into their head about their weight, attractiveness (or lack there of), and personal abilities.

It is not a behavior that I can just suddenly stop doing. It is ingrained in me just as the automatic instinct to wipe my nose when it begins to run. Think about it...when you were a baby with a runny nose you didn't think, "Oh, I need to wipe my nose with a tissue." You would probably do nothing about it, or you might have even put your fingers in it and smeared it on your face. But over time you learned to get a tissue. Why? Because your mother (or other care provider) would exclaim, "Oh yuck, snot!" and she would hurry and grab a tissue and quickly clean your nose.

So as an adult, when I am deep in my sleep and my nose begins to run I immediately snap awake and grab a tissue. I have been trained that this is the proper response to my yucky nose running, right? Right! And I have also been trained by this same method to look at myself in the mirror and think, "Oh you are so fat, look at your flabby stomach. You can never wear nice fashionable clothes because you are too fat. You have to find something in the closet that is going to hide that fat stomach." That is just one of the many negative messages I received from my mother on a daily basis from as far back as I can remember until I moved out of her house at the age of 17.

So in reality I am not going to suddenly look in the mirror and say, "Wow, you look great today! You should buy yourself a new outfit to show off your beautiful self," any more than I am going to be able to sit still and let the snot run down my face.

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