In order to 'help' me lose weight, my mother began to restrict my food, sweets, and carbonated beverages. This was in the early 70's so Diet Rite Cola was a fairly new product on the market, and certainly not something that was normally given to children. My mother worked diligently at her mission to make me lose weight but apparently she felt she wasn't getting the progress she desired so when I was about 10-1/2 years old she took me to our family physician and insisted that the doctor put me on a 1200 calorie a day diet.
The doctor examined me and explained to my mother that I was of normal weight for a child of my age, height etc. She would not listen to reason and insisted that I was overweight and needed a diet plan. He gave in a bit and suggested that I eat less sweets, maybe drink diet soda, and eat more fruits, but I did not need a 1200 calorie diet, that was too restrictive for a child of my age, and was not necessary in my case as he did not feel that I was overweight. She told him that she had tried all of those things and I still would not lose weight so she needed the diet plan. Then she had a mini-tantrum there in his office examining room saying basically that she was not leaving until he provided her with a 1200 calorie diet plan for me.
I remember sitting there on the examining table watching this heated conversation between my mother and the doctor. They acted as if I were not even in the room, other than to gesture in my direction when referring to me or my weight. I felt embarrassed that I was unable to lose weight and now my mother had to insist that the doctor give me a diet plan. I felt that I must be grossly overweight for my mother to act like this. I secretly hoped the doctor would tell my mother that he was not providing her with a diet plan and to leave me alone, but that is not what happened.The doctor told me to get dressed while my mother went into his office. When she came back in to get me she had several sheets of paper in her hand...the 1200 calorie diet. She looked quite pleased with herself but I knew this was not going to be good.
On our way home from the doctor's office, we stopped at the grocery store and purchased the foods that were on the diet plan. When we got home my mother announced to the family that she had taken me to the doctor about my weight and the doctor agreed with her that I was fat and needed to be on this new diet plan. This would mean that I would no longer be allowed to drink the sugary soda's that the rest of the family drank. I would no longer be allowed to have dessert after dinner when the family did, instead I would get sugar-free jello. I would no longer be allowed to have any candy, so no one was permitted to give me any. I felt like I had some kind of disease and I was being punished for it. I didn't think I looked any heavier than Greg or Peter but here was my mother telling the family that the doctor agreed with her that I was fat and needed to go on a 1200 calorie diet. I assumed that must have been what they discussed privately in his office. [Years later I read my medical records and saw that the doctor noted in my file that he gave my mother the diet plan that my mother insisted on having even though he did not feel I was overweight.]
My older brothers didn't understand the seriousness of this punishment. They thought it was quite funny and tormented me by showing off that they got ice cream for dessert while I ate Jello. I was not allowed seconds at dinner while they were allowed to eat as much as they wanted. My portions had to be weighed and measured and I was not allowed an ounce more of anything. The word 'fat' was now like my middle name. My
brothers soon figured out that 'fat' was the substance that was in the lard can that mom used to cook with. And that was the start of the real torture. When my brothers wanted to tease & be mean to me they would get the can of lard out of the cabinet and say, "You better get back in the lard can!"As a young girl approaching puberty, being teased about my body was very humiliating for me. I would tell my mom that the boys were picking on me saying "Get back in the Lard Can" and at first she would say, "Boys quit teasing your sister." As time went on and this form of teasing continued and even got much worse, I would tell my mom that they were picking on me and she would say, "stop tattle tailing" or even worse, "If you lost weight they wouldn't have a reason to tease you."
By the time I was 12-1/2 and puberty hit, I was thoroughly ashamed of my 'fat' body. I didn't want to wear a two-piece bathing suit like my friends because I was embarrassed for anyone to see my stomach. I discovered boys but didn't want them touching my body, even when we were all horsing around because I was afraid they would feel my fat body. I felt I must be a total failure at losing weight because my mother never stopped with the dieting plan.
When it came time to buy school clothes for the 6th Grade my mother would not buy me the same fashionable clothes that my friends wore, although she bought them for herself and my little sister. She spent the least amount of money on my clothes compared to my siblings.
I was embarrassed to wear the clothes that she bought me but I had no choice. When I asked her about getting clothes like my friends she would say, "if you lose weight then you could wear prettier clothes like me and Cindy and your friends.
I look back on my pictures at this age and I do not see a fat child. If I didn't know the child in the picture I would NEVER think that child was fat, far from it. But at that time, she told me I was, my siblings reinforced it with their teasing and taunting, so I assumed that I must be fat. This constant monitoring of my weight by my mother went on for years. Then when I was 17 and got married so that I could move out of her home (another whole story in and of itself) I continued the dieting on my own. I would rarely lose more than a few pounds, then gain it right back.
Ten days before my wedding my mom convinced me that I should go on a fasting diet so I would be slim for my wedding day. This was totally new to me, but apparently you could lose a lot of weight by simply drinking liquids and not eating. So I did it. After 10 days of fasting I went from 120 lbs (at 5'4") down to 110 lbs for my wedding day. I still felt fat on my wedding day but now I also felt very weak and shaky too. I ate at my reception, not a lot, just enough to keep me from passing out. Needless to say the 10 lbs came right back as soon as I resumed eating again. Within 10 months I had even gained an additional 10 lbs, putting me at 130 lbs. [Boy what I would give to be 130 lbs now!]
My weight has been a constant issue for me since I was 9 years old and my mother decided I was fat. My highest weight has been 175 lbs and at that weight I felt grotesque. I lost down to 145 lbs and still felt so fat, but my husband insisted that I stop dieting because I was getting too thin (in his eyes). At this very moment I am about 158 lbs and feel as fat as I was at 175. My mood is governed by what the scale says. If I step on and I am up half a pound then my day will be bad. If I step on and I am down half a pound I assume the scale is wrong. If my pants feel fine, then I step on the scale and discover I weigh 1 lb more than I did the week before, then suddenly my pants feel like they are cutting me in two. I know logically this is all in my head, but I am not able to turn off the voice inside my head that constantly remind me that I am fat.
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